tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
