I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
