I love black thongs
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
whose ass print is on the piano?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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