he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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