Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
