and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
