this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
