Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
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I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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