I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
