I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize