WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
