I heard we made out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
