I wish my penis had an off switch
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
