it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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