So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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