Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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