I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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