I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
