i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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