There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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