somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
