Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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