Your face is a jimmy john
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
