I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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