Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
