somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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