I just made out with a guy for $7.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
