I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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