my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
