I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have tasted many bathrooms
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
