At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
