Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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