i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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