They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
