just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
