It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
