when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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