My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
