you didnt know i had herpes?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
