You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
