I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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