The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.