cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.