we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
