Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
