I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
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Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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