I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?