Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..