There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
