Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
