i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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