she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
