I'd wear matching sweaters with you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
