he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You may now shotgun with the bride
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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