Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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