once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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