Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
