she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
worst night to have a conscience
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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