and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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