He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
