somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
